I posted this on facebook on Christmas, and want to document it here as well for anyone who can relate, but more so for my own memories.
A few moments I want to remember from our Christmas today:
- How Fox woke up Finn in the morning, whispering “Finn, it’s Christmas!”
- Their faces and excitement when they opened their gifts, after I had worried for weeks that they would be disappointed since Christmas had to be a lot smaller this year
- Fox hugging and thanking me five times for the “best gift he’s ever gotten”
- Finn being so excited to give me his gift he made in preschool and added lots of kisses and hugs to it, as part of my “advent calendar” as he said
- The boys playing together for hours with minimal fights
- A beautiful blended family dinner with exes and new spouses, in-laws, and friends, that was full of laughter
- Fox wanting to sleep with me, even though Santa was coming to his other house tonight
Christmas looks different as a single mom, and even though this is not my first rodeo this year, it doesn’t get a lot easier. There’s something very sobering about having to fill your own stocking with things you find around the house in the hopes that the kids won’t notice, scrambling in the middle of the night to prepare everything for Christmas morning after the kids are finally asleep, with no help. And then there’s that deep loneliness that exists when you’re without your kids on Christmas, but also when it’s just you and the kids for Christmas.
So on this Christmas Eve, as im going to sleep without my kids here, I want to remember all of the beautiful moments we had today. And I want to remember how far I have come, and how grateful I am for in-laws that still consider me their daughter/granddaughter, an amazing co-parent and an even more amazing bonus mom (Katie's fiancee) for my boys, and the beautiful life I’ve been given. If you’re a single mama and struggling this Christmas, I see you. Please reach out and know you’re not alone.
*I hug you. I know it doesn't help but I am happily married but I also have to fill my own stocking. You are doing a darn fine job with your two littles.
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